funny story from my mother

a little bit of background: my mother is of respectable (but not old! she'd hate if i implied that) age. she and my dad have been together since she was 18, and now that she's retired, her big pass-time is quilting. BIG quilting fan. loves it. who knows why, but she loves sewing small bits of fabric together.

this past weekend, she was at some Quiltapalooza-type thing. that might've been the name of the event, actually. anywho, she was at this thing with her friend Barb, a million fabric scraps, and a bunch of other ladies who love to make blankets. in fact, they were so estatic to be at this quilt-o-mania that somebody brought plastic Dollar Tree-type tiaras, and everybody wore the things.

One of the days of the event, my mother was (big surprise) quilting in Ye Lounge of Sewing Machines and Tiara'd Ladies, and had a tin of Altoid's Mango candies next to her Singer (that's a sewing machine, for those of you who didn't grow up surrounded by thread bits). At one point, she tried to pick one of the Altoids from the tin, but three came out instead. Not wanting to slow down (heaven forbid she stop quilting), my mother just popped the three candies in her mouth, and kept going.

A few moments later, one of the Mangoey bits broke off, and lodged in her throat. Strangely (but completely in character for her), she started coughing, but not panicking. No shit that she started coughing, but the not panicking is a fairly odd piece.

She's coughing and coughing, and these tiara'd ladies are all asking if she's ok, and all she can do is keep trying to get the damn thing out of her throat. Lucky for us all, there was a Nurse Practicioner in the group, and the lady knew CPR-type routines. Mom's friend Barb, meanwhile, is freaking out. Again, completely what I would've expected.

After trying (and failing) with the Heimlich maneuver, the NP has Mom lay down on the floor, and starts to do some sort of fancy-schmancy gut punch. There's a name, i'm sure, but i don't know it. The Gut Punch O' Glory works, and the candy piece shifts enough that Mom can breathe. Hooray!

At some point during the choking episode, one of the quilting ladies had called 9-1-1. This, in turn, queued the front desk of the hotel they were all at to send a committee up to the room. Ass-covering type legal stuff. And since the hotel was on some part of National Land, a park ranger showed up with the hotel staff.

Mom got to tell all the paper-pushers about how she choked on an Altoid... and just as she finished her story, a lady in the room shouts, "Hey, look! An ambulance!"

Sure enough, an ambulance and fire truck were pulling into the hotel's parking lot. Stretchers flying, yellow anti-fire coats being flung on, the medics and firefighters run into the building, determined to save some little old choking lady.

What they came upon was a room of white-haired ladies back to their sewing machines, tiaras back in place, a Mounty-type dude hanging out in the corner, and my mother waving her hand and yelling "I'm the choker, and I'm okay!"

Relieved, the firemen began to leave. But these quilty-type ladies, they're sly ones. Somebody got their attention, and asked to take their photos with my mom. and just by themselves. and with various plastic-crowned white-haired friends of theirs.

My mother's description of the men: "they were very... attractive young men. Very nice-looking. Meghan, remember when you were determined to find a good-looking Irish Fire-fighter named Jimmy in Boston? They were all Jimmys."

i have requested copies of all the photos she got of these gentlemen. however, she says that somebody else got a better angle of them, and will be sure i get a copy.

does anybody know how to get a free copy of Photoshop for my computer? it's not related, i swear :)